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Archive for August, 2005

Juz got back from the gym with ST.
Everyone thought i was nuts as i had to wait till 12, and head to the gym!!
Ate like nobody’s business at work! hahaa
there was lots of food stuff frm thailand, bah kua, mooNcake..etc..

as i speak of thailand,
i still feel a pang of… *how shld i put it!?*
“tidal emotions”!

Did the tredmill and attempted 2 rid of my Flabby triceps……
Exhausted. Maybe, i’d b able to slp well, w/o nightmares tis time.
on the side note, i’m gona be “disciplined to be a babe”! *hmph*

Unorg post, i know.

As i was driving home, saw tis dog ran accross the road.
I immediately switched 3 lates,
to see if it was ruskie… (FYI, my pet dog tt neva came home)..
Well, it isnt.. sigh…

Then i saw 2 bikes, 1 sports bike, 1 phantom, the phantom had a pillion.
Thought it was eric, with ken, and ivan behind.
Well, it isnt either.
What wld they be doin in jurong aniway.

Yeah.. what wld he b doin here…
i aint with him animore..
sighh…

I’d lead a good life, but i still miss him.
was told not to write such sad stuff animore…

then again, I FEEL UNHAPPY WAT!! DUdE! wat u expect me 2 post!?
hahahaa..
These days however, such feelings comes in pangs.
Esp when i see some things, say somethings or do somethings.
man.. this sux.

gona get 2 bed.
Pls stay in my memory… not my mind….
get out of my head!!! but u may not get out of my heart..
In time to come, we wont love..
But we once loved…
When will the time come??
guess it’s till the day i dont shed tears at nite..

I never liked wearing watches, but he bought one for me for our 1st yr.
Now, id wear it, as it’s the closest thing i’ve got.
Looking at it makes me remember… … YOU…

when i read other’s blogs, or see other couples..
id juz realize i dont have him animore.
those sweet stuff, lovey dovey, or some small arguments,
sweet suprises…
I aint entittled to them animore.

oh shuddit val!
stop sobbing.
now get to bed!

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dont always do this,
but

KNN
it’s 5.30am in the Freggin MoRning,
worked the nite away,
gotta get to school by 1030am,
present in the afternoon,
and work again in the evening.
bloOOody F*ckin *toot TooT TooOOOOttt*
Forgive me.
i’m bored as i’m still waiting.
gosh.. u do it so slowly… argh..
i’m tired even before i started
i aint feeling physically well.
Gum feels swollen.
A sure sign of heatiness a.k.a Lack of slp
Eyes are closing.
SoBz.. the rest of u r slping……. =(
not as if stayin up wld hlp. heh.
raHhhhzzz..
gona lie on the table.. n take a quick shut eye while i wait the nxt million “donkey years” for the nxt 3 qns… knn.. kn kn knnnnn…. argh..

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7days..

Its been a week,
Hell long time if u ask me.
The random tears, Ocassional spacing out, Weird Laughter, Lonliness…
Just part n parcle of a break up?
At least i know i’m not alone. He’s feeling it too..

Last night was the worst amongst the whole week.
Finally The only moment where i was alone,
(was when i was in the showers.)
I burst out in tears..
It was the only time when no one was arnd.
its ALREADY a week??.. how long more will that last?

As i lay wide awake in bed,
Pillow soaked with tears,
I msged him.
It wasnt the only msg i typed to him in the past week.
However, it was the only one that got sent.
I’d type long msgs, only to find myself deleting them..
This time round, i sent it out…
I could only manage a goodnight msg.

USELESS!! argh..

He felt my hurt nevertheless.
Told him it was a week, n just a plain goodnite..
He felt it.. replied a long msg, (which he usually wont)
We use to had this thing,
where we just KNEW how each other felt.
As usual.. he felt it this time.
We had this connection.
Now that we arent together, i wish this connection wld go away.
Only thing it brings now.. is Unwanted Unhappiness.

Perhaps thats why sometimes i just feel this pang of sadness
rush of tears…
Wherever he is.. Maybe he’s feelin that way..

A friend told me to give it one more shot.
I know i cant.
I shouldnt.
He doesnt want to anyway.
The future’s…………. there’s no future. *i’m denying it*
I drifted off to bed…….

Got up in early morning,
only to realize that i was part of an equally awful dream.
I dreamt of him, n myself.
A dream of parting.. A dream of him rejecting me,
pushing me furthur n furthur away..
EVEN IN MY DREAM!!!
i’m UNABLE to escape from the harsh reality.

GIVE me a moment of serenity!!!
i dont require pure joy n happiness
I just want a moment of PEACE,
where thoughts dont flood my mind on its own..

The only time i do find it,
is when i’m occupied.
Occupied wld i be then!

Unlike other couples…
we seldom tookphotos..
Thats good.
Now when i miss him, there’s nothing much that i can refer to


V-day 05.. Myself, My fave Flowers. From my Fave him…

Cant bring myself to post a pic of him.
cant bring myself to think of him.
sigh.

Tonight’s gona b a busy night.
Now that’s a consolation

one more…..

Xmas party we organized..
Were we went to ikea.. Were we got the drinks..
where prisc was with geoff
where chris was with ivan

where lyd was still in SG

where i was with him…

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Someone planned it..

More often than not,
bad happen in a series.
We wont know if its for the better or the worst,
One thing for sure,
Life is that its planned.
Perhaps not “PLANNED”.. but Controlled.

By SOMEONE… of higher authority..
If he’s got my life planned for me,
then it’s in his hands..

I do not deny his existence
Hence I wont fight what he’s got installed for me.
If things happen for a reason,
Its happening for a BETTER reason.
Cliche i know, but “all things work together for good”..

Tho its no longer the way i want it to be,
Nor the way it SHOULD be..
I’m gona embrace the moment,
with whatever i’ve got.
When one door closes another door opens.
That’s the way he works..
So, i’m just gonna LIVE LIFE!

If i do not attempt to the best of my capability,
How wld i know how r things gona turn out?

Now who’s to say that life sux n things r unbearable!?!?
We havent been through it.
That’s what we’re here to find out.

With every trial in life,
Every difficulty faced,
Every unhappiness felt….
We’re driven to greater heights.

I’m gona scale the heights..
I havent reached my Peak.
i Never will…
Willl you??

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For a change, here’s some sweet updates:

CONGRATS

to miss ELEANOR LIM for getting a new job.. Knew u wanted to get out of that place for a long time. the only nice stuff is prolly the “earth quake”..

GOOD LUCK
and best wishes to PRISCILLA KHOO.. for finding some spark and happiness in her busy lifestyle. No idea if these sparks are there 2 stay.. or they’re fireworks.. Simply beautiful for the moment… Irregardless.. Know u feel great now.. so Keep up the good work!!
asfasdfadfs
I recieved this SMS:
“Hey u, take care yah 🙂 if u don’t know what to reply it’s ok. Just remember there are old friends who’d love to be there for u and do truly care.”
asdfadsf
As expected by the sender, I did not reply. I didnt ignore the msg, delete it, or forget to reply. I kept it. Read the msg few times even. That “OLD FRIEND” of mine knows that i wont know what to reply.. hence she thoughtfully mentioned tt i need not reply.. She didnt msg me online. or persist, as she knew i prolly wont wanna talk about it. Thank you so much… My other half.. Ex-other half… We shared great times 2gether. Great blogging times.. Remember the days of www.butterscotchnmint.blogspot.com where i was the butterscotch n she was the mint.
As usual. Things changed, we parted, and did our own stuff. But memories do exist. I’ve had enough of “old” friends.. “lost” friends.. “misplaced” friendship.. “old” loves… I’m gonna treasure every friendship i’ve got.
adsfasdf
Iris, eric, ivan, maybe even Ken. They most prolly have the impression that i’m a cynical bitch, not giving a flyin fuck about friendship. They’re not entirely wrong in saying that. I have a hard time keeping friends. I do love them, i Just didnt treasure them. Iris, u were right in saying i was selfish. I had my reasoning, and i stood by it. It seemed warped and all weird to all of you, as to why i wasnt sensitive and tactful enough. I didnt think i was selfish back then. Now i do.
adsfasdf
I’d try and treasure everyone that comes my way..

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I wana dance..

Complexion. A reflection of health. Mental, Physical, Emotional. Its said that pimply people are not in the best state of health. Similarly, people who smoke usually look wane n sallow, Lack of sleep makes one look “yellow”.

I aint in the pinK of health for sure. No thanks to the lack of sleep and late nites. A couple of pimples poppin up, looking really “grey”… Cant find a better word to describe the person i see in the mirror. No amount of concealer/foundation/blusher is gona enhance the situation. Last min salvation. a MASK! that’s all im doing for now. Really concerned bout it, but cant be bothered. BaHhhh..

I dont wish to stop work. I like answering calls after calls after calls after calls…. i like having everyone around. everyone’s doin their own work. But at least i feel accompanied. Not too lonely. Constant chattering helps a hell lot. be it gettin a great big F frm customers, or hanging on to a call for 10 mins it beats sitting at home, alone.

Lots of ppl sent their well wishes, care, and concern. For that, i really do appreciate it… However, do divert it to the others instead. My other half.. Ex other half. he needs it more than i do. I’d be fine on my own.

Is there just these things you’ve always wished to do, but never gotten the chance to fulfill it!? I wana do something… which i see myself doing…. I wana do it again.. Prisc said tt i’d never be able to do it.. i’m Old n inflexible… Fine, i’m TWENTEEN.. I wana dance… I do.. I wish i never gave up.. now.. i feel like dancing. Go on those ballet shoes… and dance like how i use to.. Feeling free… working that body…

“I dont have time… “…What a great lie..

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Dont let go…

I dont fear being touched..
{Hug me}
I fear being let go..

Seems like the hits on my blog has reached an all time high. Guess.. Dont usually write toO personal stuff on my blog. Now, perhaps it has opened up a lil.. a lil more into the personal realm.

Feel as if im now living in the “lala”-world of my own. Where sitting down and staring into space is a bliss. Time passes in a twinkling of an eye. Sleeping is scary, because i never know what i’d dream of.

Its pointless to get started with projects, i’ve got no “inspiration” of any form. Somehow… i doubt i’d pull through. Telling ppl i’d be fine, i’m fine, i’m ok, it’s alright…. i Do have certain reservations, as to how FINE i’d really be.

Bed time… Gonna snuggle in bed.. wishing everything’s fine… Wishing.. and wishing…

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