Archive for January, 2006

Guess I’ve reached a point, where im pissed for too long, till i can no long blog in a fashion fit to describe my exact feelings. I took my time to calm down, do some rational thinking, sort out my thoughts, came to a conclusion, and took action (staying indifferent IS an action). The popular (and by far most ineffective) way of doin things would be to Take immediate action. Im glad i didnt. However That doesnt mean i wont.

So ive heard that the seating arrangement would be changed at work. Like i give a damn. Work’s just Work. Morover, where can they shift me to!? Behind the supervisors? NO WAY that’s gonna happen. Right? Obviously, i thought wrong.

When i saw the seating arangement, i thought i read it the wrong way. I was sitting back to back towards the supervisors. Not like its anything bad, since ive got direct “help” out there.. but here’s my rational for being cheesed off.

1. I hate being scrutinized
1. I hate the feeling that someone of authority is listening to every word i say.
1. I happen to hit my calls per hour, by MORE than what is expected
1. I do not take unnecessary toilet breaks. and my adherence is by far one of the highest.
1. I believe i do not need EXCESSIVE help.
1. I’ve got faith in my own Customer handling skills
1. I think i am a good worker who deserves to work independently
1. I dont even talk or gossip during office hours!! Im FUckin quiet and i just do my job damn it!
(It’s all 1.s cuz i think they’re all equally IMPORTANT)

To sum it all, (i dont quite care what others think), i think im doing a good job at work. No doubt i do curse n swear after i hang up the phone, I believe i have been performing to (almost) the best of my ability. There’s room for improvement, but my conscience is clear that i have been trying hard. So WHY in the world am i being shifted to a “work space” that is supposedly meant for people who needs more “assistance”?? (no hard feelings as this is merely a deduction at my end).

I do NOT need any form of recognition. and my highest satisfaction comes from the 26th of each month when the pay comes in. On the other hand, shifting me there is somewhat degradatory. AND at the same time reflecting the lack of acknowledgement for my performance.
Layman: So you shift me there cuz u think i produce shit work? I try my best and you do this to me!? No? if not why the fuck so!?

Oh, you know what? I so happen be undertaking a bachelor in business MANAGEMENT, and degree holders are supposedly trained for a managerial role in the workforce. I just might know what the “managers” would say in response to any of such comments.

=Dont you idiots use any of it against me, i HAVE my rights to WRITE.=
“The seating RE (due to the excessive number of times it happens)-arrangent was discussed among all the supervisors, and we decided that it was best for development of individuals as well as to boost efficiency at the cluster level. In no way is one position “better” than another, because at the end of the day, everyone is still doing their own job of handling customers which is what you are employed for. NOT to chit chat.. This arrangement was designed to ensure that adequate assistance was available for newcomers (supposedly inexperienced), and to facilitate the buddy system”.

Ohhh.. what a nice piece explanation. Not like any explanation was to(or would be) given, infact, i dont quite care. When u are in a hierarchy which puts you higher than others, your words count, your words has value, basically in layman “william” term, it means: “You win, I lan lan”.

Here’s my “1 cents” worth of what an EFFECTIVE MANAGER should be. Its rather “reportish”, so skip it if u lack the brains/language. or Feel bored.

Ok, to give them a lil credit, i do know its hard to arrange a seating arrangement, and at one point of time, SOMEONE is bound to be a little unhappy.

Val’s very lose definition of a manager is someone who works in the organization THROUGH people and WITH people. Managers i work with perform programmed decision making, where guidelines and rules are stated out leaving them (unfortunately) with a higher level of atonomity for nitty gritty unimportant issues.

Their job comprises of making sure operational goals are met, at the same time, ensuring that the company is profitable in the long run. A call center is also known as a COST center, so we basically skip the profitability part, and just aim at earning goodwill from our customers.

Speaking of working THROUGH and WITH people. An effective leader should not only have their GOALS in mind. There should be a good mix of “work based communication”, as well as “social based communication”.

As lower level managers, the span of control is wider due to the generic job scope of their under-charge. Hence, a manager must understand what motivates employees as a whole and and what perks them individually! It is preached that different customers require different handling skills. This applies to HUMAN in general. Different people react differently to things, we do not even treat our pets indifferently. Geddit.

We exist in a society of constrains, and managers are met with constrains as well. It is weighing the pros and cons, and devising a strategy which would balance out operational needs, and human psychological requirements. Ensuring that morale is kept at an equilibrium in both the long and short run. Or it may result in an even HIGHER turnover rate.

To put it blatantly, do you think that by changing the seating arrangement, the efficiency would increase? Here’s how efficiency would “increase”.

1.More personal emails would be spent.
2.More toilet time taken
3.perhaps even paper aeroplanes in mid air, just to convey msgs.

Anyone would know that SPEAKING is by far the most convenient AND EFFECTIVE way of putting a point accross. Be it coffee shop tallk, or Official black n white communication.

Hello, It isnt as if our targets are not met, my point being, UNDERSTAND your environment before you implement any change.

Lemme see, Ive resigned to my fate as being at the lowest level in the organiztion. (FOR NOW). One that is not entittled to any goal setting, nor decision making. My empowerment lies at the meagre waiver which i can ocassionally provide, WITH a relavant explanation. My best Answer? im providing GOODWILL. hah. SO, i shall just sit there, do my job. Remain silent. We’d see how things goes. We’d see what’s the entire “environment” gonna be like. When i do NOTICE anything notable, i shall Jot it down IN MY BLOG, so ONE DAY when i am in any form of authority, i shall NOT make the same mistake.

Lesson of the day: DO NOT underestimate the importance of employee satisfaction. Especially when the job is pertaining to a front line role involving tip top morale level.

Side note:
i almost spent my time typing a resignation letter, and placing it on their table. I mean.. FUCK IT MAN! who am i kiddin. i can bloody hell find a job elsewhere, and i if i must say, i do NOT need to work if i CHOOSE not to!

However.. val’s sick n tired of being a quitter. No matter how things are, i shall continue to work to the best of my ability. Lessons as such make me learn and understand WHY and WHAT SHOULD and SHOULD not be done.. as well as the considerations that should have been involved.

ALWAYS identify the leader of the pack. ALWAYS use influence, and never authority…

By the way. Blogs are afterall outlets for emotional relief. If reading this is gona make you gossip, like how bitchy joe, taiyo, michelle, fookin, xinyu, and all those BAsociety members are, Go ahead. If you hold me liable for my words. It only shows what a stinking perverted stalker you are. and you’re dumb enough to believe what i say in my blog. *ne neh ni booBoo!*. Checking me out is bad enough. Checking me out and letting people know u check me out is WORST.

oh… i wont quit larrr…. where am i gona get $$ for shopping!? hehehehehehe.. Feelin betta after ranting. or like key n prisc say.. I WHINE TOO MUCH.. BUT!!! tis time its relavant ok!?

Nuff said. Im back to work tomorrow. Life goes on. bleaHhh


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Suicidal Bananas

this song’s ringing in my head

Banana in pyjamas they climbing up the stairs
Banana in pyjamas they chase the teddy bear
Banana in pyjamas they’re walking here and there
up and down.. blah blah blah

Ok.. i dont exactly remember the Lyrics…

A suicide occured at my place
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L-R: Clockwise

Bloodstains on the floorrrrrrr

Remnants of the corpse.. left hanging

the rotten carcass.

Suicide Note + Dead “skin”

Attached a suicde note along with it, so that mum/bro wldnt be left puzzeled.

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ProJect time!! =)

Back in abit! tata!!

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wanted to post up those pix which i took whilst having lunch at shangrila with prisc… guess today’s not a bloggin day, no motivation to do up the pix, with or w/o the help of picasa. Why!? My heart’s set on doin SOME proj… at least abit.. hmm. Suddenly feel the URGENCY. haha.. so i’d b hardworking for now.

so here’s ONE of the many others

since u guys complain tt my smile’s alwyas the same… have a look at me. when im NOT smiling! =)

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3way mirror.. nice..

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YES! i do get freaked out by it myself too

I know.. u guys prefer me when im gettin all crazy n hyped up! there u go! the REAL me! 🙂
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btw. it’s taken in shangrila’s toilet!

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Gonna meet up with priscy the pig tmr.. for SHOPPING. hah. aka. priscy the zhu ba jie! why!? Cuz she’s always late. so during our conversation rgd what time 2 meet tmr + Gossipy stuff.. i told her.. YOU”D DEFINATELY BE LATE!!! if u’re late i’d call u ZHU BA JIE for a week! If im late, she’s call me PAI GU JING!

And, she started disputing. y is she a pig??? haH. reason’s simple. no doubt she’s skinnier than me, she makes it an attempt 2 have a pig like photo in most photos. AND up to date. i think i’ve only got 1 and only 1 picture with me spotting a “PIG” face. heh. aint it obvious!?!? 😛 since i’m known 2 nai and william and yang as lanky val.. so be it! 😛

SHOPPING tomorrow!!!
then there’s work.. and ziyu’s bday.. im still wondering if i shld head down… still thinking if id haf the energy and courage to go down. priscy wun b there to hlp me “zhuang dan”. So, as much as i wish to. i dont think i would. hmm.. i duno… i want james to go with me.. but i dont think he can make it either. =(

we’d just have to wait till nxt time to meet then…
id b owing ziyu’s present 4 a bit. 😉

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Im like terribly horribly upset.
Why? Cuz i made James upset too.
The worst argument yet. And already im feeling like shit.
Sorry, no background info. heh.

In short. Its a psychological vs physical warfare between MYSELF and MYSELF.
i couldnt sleep that nite,
i started getting bad tempered
i have BAD dreams
i start to scratch my head (i do that when im stressed)
i bite my fingernails (a bad habit frm young WHICH happens when im tensed)
i feel itchy all over (yes, a very scratcy person indeed)
i cry (which all other girls do)

In addition, other symptoms include:
Feeling nauseous when im in lift bus mrt.
Having a bad stomach when there’s no shit ANYWHERE near the rectum
Brain NOT functioning when it should
Lack of active concentration
Took close to 30mins worth of Unscheduled break, which wld Buang my adherence
Feel really upset during wrk and almost tear everytime i end a call
Not bothering 2 smile or put up a strong front.
A big hole Ulcer on my upper lip right smack infront of my vamp tooth
Having a NEW toothbrush with toothpick for bristles, makin my mouth bleed like i have my period frm more hole than one! damn it!

So.. what can i say. i totally fugged myself up. AND its all purely IN THE HEAD!
Im in one shithole now and i wana get out.

Hate it when i lose control of myself.
Back then it was worst. i had this weird spasms of asmathic breathing when i get realli agitated. Damn it… when can i ever get FULL control of myself!??! guess that’s just “GIRLS”. we never really DO get full ctrl.

Irregardless of it all.. Im really sorry for what happened. I really was too harsh. Sorry.. Ive prolly said it a million n one times. and i STILL AM sorry. really wonder why ppl say sorry so mani times when it doesnt reali make a difference. heh.. but i still am sayin it.. Does not imply i dont mean it yea!

It made me “scared”.. Now… i really am afraid of things i say things i do…
Never thought i had the upper hand
Then i felt perhaps we were level
U said were were at different stages of life…
Now i know u have the upper hand.
Im the one… “down” there.

I want wat i ought to get.

God, (priscy reminded me that there’s always someone else out there) give me the courage to stand on my feet. for myself. on my own. for no one. with no one. keep my tears only for happy moments. Watch my tongue as it stabbed the hearts of many. thank you for making life bearable. and for things which i tend to take forgranted. May you keep those i love and those who love me safe and sound. May tomorrow be a better day for us all.

I havent prayed in god knows how long… but ive been in the prayers of many.. The hearts of those who care. To those special ONES who’ve been there 4 me. u noe who u are. many thanks..

and Barry if you’re seein this,


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(2 loud house phone ringing)
VAL: *sleepy val walks out as it WOKE her frm her dreams* hello??
MAN: who call taxi!?
VAL: Huh!?
MAN: i cannot find
MAN: where is 665A!?
VAL: eRrr

(as u can see, im not AWAKE yet)
MAN: Road works right!?
VAL: Who called cab!?
MAN: To airport. How i know who!
VAL: Ohhh.. Right.. (yes yes. my dad)
MAN: Cannot find larrr!
VAL: Go in by street 63 den turn to 65.
MAN: Okok!! *sounding annoyed*

VAL: Daddy!!! the taxi driver cant find u. where are u!?
DAD: im there mah i saw him i wave to him and he turn away that bloody idiot., *ok. im starting to see similarities*

VAL: okok. i told him directions alreadi.

*operator announcement* “….. the cab has arrived”
VAL calling Dad: DAD!!! THE CAB ARRIVED!!
DAD: I TELL U!! that guy is hopeless!!! wave to him also cant see n i comfort cab no signal. im gona complain i tell u! what kind of service is that!!!
VAL: ok, i book another cab … **Calls cab co, book another cab, ** asked if dad needed me 2 fetch him.

So we hopped up the car, and he started complaining just like how i would, raged with fury, obviously dad’s kinder with words and he dont curse (with my limited vocab) like i do.

Turned on his Bluetooth, and GOOD LUCK TO THE COMFORT OPERATOR!!!
He complain till the person nuthing 2 say. poor lady over the line.. she muz haf been petrified. my dad’s realllly no good to trifle with when he’s angry.

Initially dad wanted 2 complain 2 m1, cuz he cudnt call tru to comfort. Neither could my mobile phone. But i did a test, i called his phone usin mine.. n it got tru. I SAVED M1!!!

Lucky for the lady working at comfort, recept was bad, drop call. AND SHE DIDNT CALL BACK. I wouldnt want to either!

When dad simmered down. i ask him. Ur flight at 10.10. check in is 2 hrs b4which is 8.10 .. what in the world are u doin at our void deck at 9.10am!?

DAD: Tsk.. ayah…. my bad habit mah..
VAL: Airports have regulations. the 2 hr stipulated timing for check in is to prevent cases like this.. and ppl like YOU simply wont obey..
DAD: Sure have ppl late mah..
VAL: Yar. Sure! YOU lar.
DAD: *try to change topic* haiya! sure late..
VAL: When u called a cab, it was ALREADY late.
DAD: *Tries harder 2 chg topic* Ehh hlp me call cathay

Hence i proceeded 2 call cathay.. we were caught in a jam. dad missed the flight. Booked the nxt flight. End of story.

Then i went to school. Changed sit here n there…. Decided to sit 2 rows infront of “eric look alike”… paid attn for the first 1/2 of the lesson. and THATS IT.

Felt extremely motivated at work. Made every call a good call. and gave it my Best. and HELL! i did feel motivated!!!! but by 10.30pm.. my shoulders felt stiff… I felt tired… I felt drained… AND i realized im still unhappy.

Prisc called shortly.
I called James later.
Went into the car.
Blasted the radio
Started to cry as i drive.


I need 2 get a grip on myself.
I havent really identified why im unhappy.
as in.. i haf yet to identify the ROOT cause.

If only u knew how i feel.
If only u see what i see.
If only u understand what im telling u.
I can take it.
If i cant.
I can leave.
But i dont want to…. So id hang on.

Nevertheless. to cry is to release. To release is to feel less tense. To feel less tense is to feel less unhappy. To feel less unhappy is to feel happier tmr. =)

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im feeling unhappy.
Just plain and simple unhappy.
Feeling all wrecked up inside, and extremely Emo today.
It just suddenly hit me when i was at jame’s hse, and i couldnt recover.

Everything seems bleak.
Nothing feels right, and im so freggin sick and tired of everything.
No, james u’re not the source of my unhappiness.
Infact, u’re the reason why im at least a little bit happy at times!!

Now.. i just feel.. unhappy.
i wana make myself happy, but i cant
i wana make myself feel better, but i dont know how!!
i just want something to look forward to
something to feel happy about.

These days.. there’s nothing to evolk those happy feelings.
i just wana go bed now, and i wana feel happy tomorrow.
im in shambles.. sobbing away. and its really dumb because i have no idea WHY im sobbing..
MAKE ME HAPPY!!! i dont care i dont care i dont care dont care!!!
i dont know how i dont know by doing wat i dont know!!!!
i cant make myself happy!!!
here i am wallowing away in self pity.
give me the kind of peace, happiness, and joy that i long to have..
im tired. im sick n tired. Literally.
Fug it lar
if im still in such a mood tmr. i have no idea what im gona do to myself!

im feeling terrible now and i cant stop
worst still, there’s no one here to stop it for me…. sometimes i cant go on, On my own.
I need someone to be there for me.
Both the rational and the non rational me.
and dont say im stupid /dumb / silly / imature to have such moods /feelings.
everyone’s entittled to them. everyone has them. Prolly only I blog it out. that’s all.
so fug all judmental bastards n bitches out there who think otherwise of me.
dont check back if u’re unhappy. like i give a damn.

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