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Archive for October, 2006

Post DC

IGNORE THIS POST.
its like for val’s info only.. so…
Skip it. please. i mean…
just scroll… see! so long.. so!? skip it larr!!! why read.. shoo..
and i mean it. ugh..
i havent even read it.
one day, when i do… i hope i wont shed another tear…
in short, today has been a long day,
but tmr’s a new day…



ok. im like really depressed. when i saw the paper i was in a state of shock. until i realized that everyone else around me knew what they were doing.. then i knew wat was happening.. im totally LOST! it wasnt because i didnt study…. i really studied!!! i studied very hard too!!! god knows how had i studied. =( i started early… i worked late. i took leave etc.. but at the end of the day. it was all for nothing. i knew nuts about the paper.

Section A
20 t/f.. id b happy if i could get through that… and like get wat? 13/20?

Section B
3 choose 2
1st question.. can crap. but its all crap. no theory no logic, no nothing..
2nd qn. all formulas! worst still same formula for ALL PARTS! and i had no idea wat that formula was all about. oh oh oh wait. here’s the better part its just fig A times fig B… ohhh wait.. here’s the best part. i got it CORRECT!!!!!! just that i didnt do this qn in the end too risky.
why? cuz i didn qn 3! all crap again and i got it wrong. sighh…

i left the hall hoping tt ppl didnt know how 2 do so tt they’d moderate. but NO.. everione knew how to do.. everyone except me…. im doomed for sure.. went to the toilet.. met prisc.. and i knew i haf 2 b prepared for the worst. its the 1st time i take a paper, only to come out knowing im doomed…

walked to the busstop in a daze.. msn’d al on the way to work.. and i almost broke into tears as i was telling him about it… msged mum, and she called me as i was on the IBP bus… my voiced changed immediately when she asked if i was fine… my voice was breaking up, and there seem to be a lump on my throat…. and then tears started streaming down… that was the first… went to work… i looked like a ghost expressionless and not the usual me… and what? everione tells me things like.. “its ok! be a tai tai!” or “its ok! will moderate” or “Pls lar… everitime ppl say fail never fail”… even “nvm fail fail lor.. nxt sem take again” or “concentrate ur energy” or “look forward 2 the next paper” or “u never know till the results are out”.. oh gosh. these words make me feel worst. they make me PONDER more… ugh..

work however was a “cherry” time for me… i was super nice to customer, talking to them took my mind off studies for the moment. and today was apraisal 4 me.. hey. i did well!! really well!! wow.. i improved by 20% and that’s a feat in a call center! ohhh and i got a high grade for customer svc 😀 whEeeee…. sometimes..i really love my job. really do… heh…. too bad tt i cant stay there always…

when i got back home… watched tv, chatted with al…. checked if i can take it next sem again etc… i finally broke down.. i cried and cried and cried.. yes i know what a cry baby. ugh. to think i was saying that its impossible to fail exams . i eat my words now. eating it, and im very very full. but i really studied. i really really really did. if i didnt study i deserve to fail. but….. **wails**

the 1 person.. who’s in my shoes. and i know this sounds a lil sadistic, (but she feels the same) is Lya.. i think she’s just like me, and she’s gona flunk the paper too. i was happy when i talked 2 her online. cuz she’s upset! no. im not happy cuz she’s upset. but becauz she’s as upset as i am, and she says the things tt made me happy. and vice versa. lya… i hope we’d pull through… we will… we will… **fades off**

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Here comes the second blow of the day. i dont know if i should even be talking about this.. but i guess id just have to blog it, since its a “memorable” day of my life… Chatted with james online as he’s helping me with a favour. told him about my predicament. and he was trying 2 make me feel better just like everyone else have… he bought me ILT frm 651. put it outside my door. that’s my alltime fave drink… i really appreciate him making me happy… but its over between us… and i hope that he isnt getting the wrong idea.. hence i msged him to thank him, at the same time to clarify things.

im in a whirl pool of emotions now… why!? cuz he has changed significantly.. he use to be the guy who wont admit his mistake easily.. and he’s kinda selfish at times too.. but now, he’s even admitting that he was selfish in the past… he isnt trying to win me back… he’s just happy for me that im happily attached to a great guy. He’s happy that im happy, no doubt he still loves me, and he’s not the guy im with. Is that what you truly call love? i wish there was 2 me. 1 to make him less sad…. 1 to stay with al, so id b happy and al’d b happy.

Here’s his words which brought much tears: (as tho its not enough for today)

He said that he’s never thought that id give him another chance and he’d keep me as a good friend always.

he’s happy ive got a good bf, knowing that im much happier now he’s happy for me too! he knows that he did wrong things in the past, and that was because he wasnt comitted and took everything too “cooly”, and was selfish in the past. he’s even understanding himself better now and changing for the better!

He’s been having sleepless nights, and everynite he was “talking” to me in attempt to fall asleep.. telling himself that he once had a great gf, and he lost it since he didnt treasure.. he’d always regard me as a special friend even if he were lucky enough 2 get another gf

he knew that i never meant to leave.. just that the selfish side of himself… had made me do so.. the selfish side which himself failed to see and realize…

he knows it isnt my fault.. and im not to be blamed… he’d always be a good friend and a guardian angel of mine.. and he means it..,

it was right for me 2 find my own happiness

he told me to let go and treat him like a normal friend…. fromt he day he told me he felt close to me, he knew that he’d never be able 2 treat me like a friend should we break up. cuz im like family to him…

his sadness will slowly subside. and he wants me to be happy

he wont forgive me, cuz he’s never blamed me…… he said its his fault that he couldnt give me security

he cant forget me cuz of all my traces.. but he’d move on as he’s stronger…. he has dreams, aspirations… and that i thought him how to understand a girl.

its my life… and shld go ahead and be happy! he wont blame me for choosing what i want an my happiness…… he thanked me for the sweet memories

he realizes tt guys are bastards and they will never realise something nomatter who tells them.. and its only when something bad hapens.. that they know it..

i cry after every msg i receive from him. it makes me cry even harder. all of a sudden. my paper seems like a small matter. i can retake the paper nxt sem. even if i had to retain another sem, these time can be earned back. but i lost him forever. i choose to give up. because he just wasnt the person i could love. he was selfish with his love. its only when i left him and found my greatest happiness that he had to change.

This is a vicious cycle. had i not leave him, he’d never have changed. had he change earlier, id never have left… now that i left, i wont go back, and he has changed. Isnt this ironic? but this is life isnt it…. i feel as tho ive ruined him. i asked him if my happiness would be his sadness… and he said that he’d be happy if im happy… at his point… im sobbing beyond control and that’s because im clueless and ive got no idea what to do. my future with al, is like HERE. yet my past is creeping in on me once more.

how can i ever have a happy life, when i know someone’s being sad while im being happy!? its like a tragic ending for us. but it has come to an end… Life’s full of unpredictable stuff… im the type that likes a clean break. i wanted to make this a clean break. it has. but now….. it has just came back… its the first time ever in my whole life that i am placed in such a predicament. no it isnt a predicament, cuz he isnt asking me back as he know i wont….. im just upset that i made him so sad… im so sorry james. i really didnt mean for things to go this way. i dont want u upset. but how can i make u feel better!? there’s only one me. and the choice is obvious. i dont want that old life. tho u’ve changed… but its because of me you’ve changed. what can i do to make u feel better? please forgive me… forgive me for being selfish… for looking for my own happiness, for falling in love all over again. i dont wish to hurt u furthur.

i wish i could have a hard knock on my head, so id forget all that’s happened…. not because the good memories are terrible, but because i cant seem to live a happy future knowing that he’s happiness is at stake. it would be so much better for me to hate him than to be guilt ridden… but like he said. im not guilty of anything…….. the vicious cycle… remember? it seems as tho life’s a big joke now. hah

just when i thoughtt the situation was so so terrible… things took a sudden turn, and seemed small and insignificant. my current trouble with james… isnt exactly a trouble. its a stone in my heart, weighing it down… i wish al was here, to hug me and tell me its okae… i wish he was here to hold my hands… saying that its alright as he’d always be by my side…. al brought hope of a nice and brighter future. how can i ever unturn the stone in my heart. Please be happy james. cuz if dont.. it’ll be hard for me to! whenever i take a peek into the past… id see a glimmer of you. please let me walk ahead….. i cant walk back u know that. i cant and i wont. so why make me slow down…. u’ve let me go…. yet why am i feeling held back?

Al… u’re entertaining the “elders”…. when u c this, hope u wont feel offended by this post… a blog entry to me…… is like a memory…. this is a memory.. just a memory…… only a memory…… soon to be a faraway memory. do u feel my sadness?? and ive only had 1 meal today and im not hungry. somethings wrong! im tired. its 3.30. and ive been crying since 12…. 3.5 hrs. power house. cry baby. freak.

good bye sadness.. hello happiness! praise the lord!

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Post EG

the ethics and governance paper today was kinda predictable… Hmm think i did ok.

Its a 3 hr paper, and i stepped out in 2hr30mins! heh. that’s usual. but today.. its REALLY different. i was like midway through, and i needed the toooiiiiilet… to add on, it was really cold, and im terribly sleepy… so the onli thing which kept me awake throughout was the “pee-ful-ness” and coldness.

hmmm everyone said tt they didnt have enough time to write.. well… for me…. bahh shallnt comment. i think i did O-Kaeee larr.. prolly wont score a distinction tho. credit if im lucky. hah shall keep my fingers crossed. i SO dislike exams.

i mean.. who likes them!? gRrr.. but guess i beta learn to “appreciate” them…. only 3more ppr nxt sem n 3 more this sem!…. then its job hunt time.. bahHhh….

some people are lucky, yet they’re oblivious about it. Some ppl already have it all, yet they want more. Some dont have much, yet act like they do.

I like what i have now. Kinda contented. tho it’d do much betta with a lil help along the way… But somethings just needs divine intervention =(

Time for an afternoon nap.. weather’s great for napping. Mugg tonight! i love Realarcade games!!!! =)

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MIA

been MIA-ing for abit… gona continue to do so till 10th Nov.

Ciaoz peeps

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RaHhh!!!

i always feel so drained after work. As much as i love the job. Im starting to feel the strain… Its especially taxing since ive gotta work AND study at the same time. Stress is building up ever more than before since its the exam period. It may seem like a short working hr.. 5 hrs…. but STILL…. once i reach home. id switch on my lappy, sit on my chair and id feel glued there. All the happiness and chirpiness in me seem to have vanished!

i feel so sick and so dull now. after exams, i doubt id be applying for OT. i really do not not not not like working anymore. (not now at least)… i am so so tired. i rather stay home and do nothing! ugh… i feel more so this way.. especially now that my team’s gona be “disbanded”… we’d be with the “real” working adults now. (as quoted by someone). So you think they’re “real” working adults and we arent? just because we work part time and our main commitment is not work, doesnt lower our self expectations nor our work quality. If we wanted to, a fulltime job at our command ANYTIME. bastard…

Last proj to be handed in tmr. ugh. time to get it off my back. and its down to STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY! bahhh… this is a piece of bullshit.. this whole working thing.. control temper.. hang in there.. be strong..you can do it.. tough girl.. independent girl stuff is getting on my nerves. SOMEBODY PASS ME $$$$ please! ive decided that im not gona subject myself to these mental torture any longer. I need to get my priorities right. Unlike some people who get $$ from parents every month and spend it like nobody’s business.. i CANT and i WONT. i wont find excuses for myself. id just simply have to shop less… eat less… save more. yes basically shop less. To all you lucky people out there who gets $$$ for doing nothing, and think ur parents are obliged to give u $$ and u can just splurge like there’s no tomorrow and think that $$ comes from the sky. Im envious. and i want to be in ur shoes. BOoO!!!

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my week

Its a MONDAY and ive got the BLUES. prolly cuz the test didnt go well. It was a piece of crap… sigh. guess that means id have to study harder for my exams. Or rather… maybe i should study LESS! cuz irregardless of how much i study, this module is still a nonsensical pile of bull sH*t.

Went for supper with ONE BIG BUNCH of ppl. Mostly from class A whom i dont know and ive never seen before.. vic and eve’s friends.. so my table consists of only me, prisc, vic, n eve.. we ate at killney (is it spelt tis way?) kopitiam.. cost us bout $50bucks in total. food was good… SUPPER anyone!? *next time i mean..* im so full that i feel like puking now. oHhh as to why i feel like puking… its because of someone’s DRIVING!! kelin sent prisc n i home… i tell u.. he should audition for Initial D part 2… i was literally flung from center to left, right back 2 left side on the back seat… his nissan sunny’s a powerhouse viking ride… with his speedometer, vacumeter watevermeter… ahhh.. irregardless thanks for the ride.

Random pix for the week…

5.68 MILLIOn!!! shared by leonard myself n charlie… leonard wants to buy bayshore… charlie wants the $$ for i dont know what… and I, wanna buy SENTOSA COVE!!!!Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
oh.. and the very fact that im still working, studying and typing in peace at my own room (w/o my body guard), neither have i got onto my private jet to germany to see al…. it means we DID NOT GET A SINGLE CENT!

AHHH…. virgin ToTo buyer mah.. lack of beginner’s luck sumore. we didnt even get a single number right! to make things worst…. (prisc said i was playing bingo)…. i matched the digits with the results and i CROSSED OUT whatever number that wasnt there! for those totovirgins like myself… you are NOT supposed to deface the ticket in anyway. be it tick, cross, circle, puke blood on it etc… (thankfully we didnt get anything right) hahaa… ohh.. when selecting numbers, we each gave afew digits.. i gave number 55…. (max is num 45…) hahaha.. so ive became the butt of the joke. and everione said if num 55 comes out, id get 1st prize! 😛

DRIED FLOWERS *in the process*
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prisc is a dried flower expert n im learning from her! so she told me to hang the flowers upside dwn before it totally withers… not sure if its gona work tis time but see what an ingenius method ive got! hahaaa.. i tied them all to a hanger! and its hung away from the rain, IN MY BALCONY! yay!! lets hope they turn out all nice n dry… n i can keep them in a beaUtiful jar.

Jappy Food
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Jasper just got back from Japan… and look what he got!! a mickey glove card holder frm disney land.. and lotsa tit bitsie!! =) i have no idea wat’s written on it but it tastes real good.. ONE DAY!!! i WILL go to disney land! and unleashh the kid in me.. nah.. the “kidish” side of me is constantly out. hah

BED TIME (soon)…. had a wonderful and peaceful week.. days ahead would be just as good for me! i know it would =)

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Here’s what came to my door tis morning.. Happy Monthniversary hon… =)

Was wondering if id be able to receive flowers again this month and I DID!!!!!!! flowers with my fave SUMMER HILL!

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I took pictures of my own.. but i was napping and hence my eyes were still still half closed as i was admiring the flowers… it looks so much beta in real life.. guess somebody’s like Fareastflora’s Premium member already! hahahaa…

Thank u for the B-E-A-Uuuuutiful flowers… and for knowing my fave scent and my every need. But please dont spent so much next time… maybe just a stalk of flower la.. hehee.. tsk tsk tsk… im gona take extra care with these flowers… and make sure i scrimp and save on using them… maybe use it only when im in germany!? hahaa

I Love u! and THANK YOU! u never fail to brighten up my day =)

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Chiesing’s 21st

Here’s a Tribute too Us…
the girls who never grew taller after sec 2 (dont bluff.. i know u girls didnt grow much either!) the team of girls who’d never forget our team, ur coaches… and Most importantly, the Bunch of girlies who are forever young at heart! despite our age.. we’re STILL kidish. hah. imagine a VAL X 12.. hahaha disastrous… well… i shallnt discredit them they’re mostly milder than me. but they’re really fun loving la. u’d see…

Pix were taken on Chiesing’s 21st bday party.. been owing the pix for some time.. here’s for all 2 view! 🙂

The big red ang pow…. PRESENT i mean. not me. tsk!
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Photowhoring on the way there… PASIR RIS lehhhh
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The start of stupid photo taking .. hahaha..
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Multiply bonkers phototaking by a few times.. and u get………..
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and……….
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There’s no end to creativity is there!! hahaa
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Double chins!?
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No prize for guessing which’s my feet =)
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at this juncture.. im lookin back at all the pix ive posted.. and i think we’re really really really crazily silliliy childish… hahahahaha (that includes me as weLL) i cant ever do such silly things with other ppl.. no one wld entertain me if i wanted 2 take such shots.. (prolly key and prisc would) hahaa.. but that night was full of laughter… lots n lots of them…. it was a really fun night. time for more “normal” photos.

I call this… a SHOOTING STAR! artistic aye!?
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that’s Myself and Leeying… my busmate of… 4 years? 3.5? we take 154 to sch everymorning rain or shine.. (when there’s classes and training lar!) and she’d buy bfast for me too! the peanut pancake thingie… I know she’s irreplacable.. but if there’s anyone in my life now tt most resemble her… its prolly prisc. both so motherly n loving 🙂
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That’s rach… my partner for doin those situps and “gang qiu” and “set qiu” .. ahh nvm. u dont know what i mean anyway.
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ohh.. i forgot.. PRESENTING the birthday girl… and of course… we were’nt involved. u know id never get myself THAT dirty.. ever!
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That was a shagadelic day i tell u… we were posing lar.. haha
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Who were missing that night? there was Chunrui whom i havent seen since 16, there’s Jiayin who recently added me on MSN but i never get 2 chat wif her cuz im always away. AND miss BUBBLES GOH JIN WEN!!!! who’s in australia… and wishing she was here. we missed her 🙂

I think we all grew a little.. i mean come on! nxt year, we’d b friends for a DECADE. and if we havent grew.. i really dont know wat happend truout these years….. sigh at least i say growing.. nxt time id b saying tt we’re ageing. haha…. we’ve all grown prettier.. and RIPPED off from Jinwen’s blog.. and thanks to xinlun… here’ how we USE to look like..

West zone champions!!!! and subsequently NATIONAL CHAMPS!!!!
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That’s US, in our fave jersey, CONVERSE jersey, kneepads, long socks, and ugly mizuno shoes. AND AND AND our MEDALS… the block behind is the D&T block.. where those guys would file their artefact and oogle? did they oogle? hmm girls with such short underwear looking shorts. how not 2 oogle!? i mean.. im putting words in their mouth..but i guess they prolly did… i know we dont look hot inthese pix. but i think back then we WERE hot by sec school girls standard.. hmphhhh *at least hotter than lians..*
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Just incase anyone of u havent recovered from your Peals of laughter and are still rolling on the ground laughing ur guts out abt how retro and how BAD we look, NAH!!! i assure u we’re all so much prettier…. i aint gloating and im not sayin im like DAMN pretty.. aaahahaha.. but prettier than b4 lar!!! ALL of us look so much beta now… if u STILL are laughing. go post a pic of ur self tt was taken 10 yrs back.. go go!! rem 2 sent he the link n let me laugh!~ hahahaha. 😛

This pic is missing afew ppl…. haha.. 9 out of 12 not bad right? try to match the faces.. 🙂

Left to Right, from the top row… (old pix) Jiayin, Chiesing, jinwen, myself, chun rui, rachel, xiuyi, jieqin, xinlun, tingyi, hueyming, leeying.
(edited pic… there u go jinz..)
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Till we meet again girls.. =)

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